her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
