I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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