I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Randomize