You really coming over, don't trick.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
