There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
