Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
