FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize