Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
