He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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