Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
