i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
There's even glitter on my cock...
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