She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
