you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
