Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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