I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
