I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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