Duck Duck Cougar?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
