She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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