All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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