eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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