cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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