I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He shit in the fireplace
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