Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
