$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
