Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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