I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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