someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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