You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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