I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Can I color on your dick again?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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