The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
