woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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