I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
