Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
