they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
