Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
