are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
