So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I intend to get homeless drunk
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
