I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
