hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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