You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
