Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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