He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize