so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
