Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I have aggressive nipples.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
