She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
