I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
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