Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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