I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize