I smell stomach acid.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
