I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
