DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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