What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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