Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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