it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I have fence marks all over my body
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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