she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
