he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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