You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
