I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
