Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
