my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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