i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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