So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
How does it feel to date your dad?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
