OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize