are you still at the devil's house?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
