I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
