At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
