she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
You smell like a Billy Joel song
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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