Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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