also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
