2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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