someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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