I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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