New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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