You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
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