just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I think people are normalizing furries
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
