Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
