there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
