he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
