Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
