I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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