They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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