If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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