shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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