Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
